What a fucking waste of an outfit
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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