Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
