I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize