I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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