Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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