its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
