the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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