when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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