Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
