You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
