Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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