paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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