I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
