Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize