He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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