Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
