i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
