I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
