Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
