im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
