I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
