I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
