Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
