We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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