i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
