i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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