I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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