So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
