i just sent this text using only my big toe
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Who died my cat blue again?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
