Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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