Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize