I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
