So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
FUCK WHALES
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