Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
