party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize