Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Houston, we have a squirter
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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