We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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