last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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