I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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