At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
