i just sent this text using only my big toe
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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