I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize