I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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