He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
