i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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