there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
