The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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