omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
