how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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