i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't shave. On purpose
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
