I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
