her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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