You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
