I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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