I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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