The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
