this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
please don't ironically join a cult
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