so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
