so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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