Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
