He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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