why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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