He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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