aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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