Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
