Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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