they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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