Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you win again, gameday.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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