You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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