i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize