dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
