if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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